LONDON ATTACKED BY TERRORISTS!!!

12 DEAD! At least 190 injured!

DURING RUSH HOUR!!!

This is going to bring in a new wave of ideas.

Be prepared...

Pity those on the G8 Summit.

Send London all of your prayers.
- posted by Leah Ashra @ 8:00 AM

 
So, baby...oo oo oo oo oo. Woo hoo hoo oo oo. Ai yi yi yi yi...etc.

Yeah, I downloaded the Encore 2005 MP3s courtesy of Firebird Productions being geniuses and putting them into the special features of Encore Act 2 DVD disc. Genius. Absolute genius.

But that's the reason I'm making this entry.

Yesterday, all my life seemed to change...or really...stayed the same. I moved on from secondary school. I moved on from a single building where subjects stayed within a constricted range. I moved on...from my family, my friends...my world. But I didn't. I still live in the same house, the same room, I still pass by that building, and I still see my family and my friends...don't I?

Yes and no. Almost every day of this year, I could walk down the hallways of that loved and hated, industrial, jail-like building, and I would see familiar faces in familiar places. Suddenly, I don't see them. Suddenly, I don't feel like I belong. Molly was right...now it's our turn to become part of the crowd. The limelight is no longer ours. A newer, younger generation is destined to take over. No longer are conversations centralized around where we are going for college, what our plans for the future are, or what are we to do after we graduate. Now, the conversations go, "Remember when..." and "I wish I had...", and we're left with what-might-have-been instead of what-we-can-still-do.

I gave a graduation speech. It didn't say everything I wanted to say. I wanted to scream at some of the people in the student audience, telling them exactly what I thought of them, and others I wanted to hug, to cry on, to get the chance to know better. I'm sure most of them felt that way too. I lied in my speech. I said I knew almost everyone in my class, but I watched my class graduate, and I realized, maybe I know a little more than 2/3 of my class. I didn't even know some of those students existed.

That is shocking. We aren't even considered large for a high school. Look at our small population of less than 1200 students. In New York, there can be something like 8,000 students to a high school. Can you believe not even knowing 25% of your graduating class? I'm shocked that I didn't get to know every single person because I'm sure there is someone in my class who will become that stand-out we will see in the national news constantly. I'm sure there is someone in my class who could have been a permanent friend. I'm sure there is someone in my class that would have loved to have been noticed just by one more person.

So, we said good-bye to Free State yesterday. We said good-bye to each other. You and I both know most of us won't see each other again at least until reunion, and even then...it's very possible some won't be able to come, and others won't be with us. Speaking of those not with us: Sarah Elbayoumy. Why wasn't she mentioned along with our class? She may have died, but I wish they would have mentioned her name along with our graduating class. I was slightly disheartened, but I know she was there walking in line with the rest of us. She was wearing her valedictorian medal. She was going to Duke. God bless Sarah. You may not have been mentioned yesterday, but I know some of us were thinking of you.

I thought I might cry yesterday, but I haven't felt the need to yet. My mind is adjusting. I don't think the shock of no more high school has really struck, or if it has, it hasn't left yet. Today, I felt this low thought in the back of my mind. It's a sad feeling, a sorrowful thought that lurks back there somewhere, and I think that's the feeling I'm waiting for. I just know, that somewhere, randomly, I'm going to start crying. And you know what? I don't care. I'm not ashamed to cry for what has passed.

High school was hard. I admit it. I had a hard time succeeding...I had a hard time living. The physical and mental scars show at times, but I fought through it. I made it. So did 360 others in my class. Now that we've succeeded these first 18 years, we get to go into the world and make more changes.

Here's my final comment on the real world: Do you realize how many people graduate and go out into the world with that chance to take control and lead us to a positive reform? Thousands upon thousands of students graduate each year, and so many have these fabulous ideas and yet nothing happens. There are only some 525 Congressmen (god...I hope that's right or I just failed AP Politics), and a small Executive Branch. that's not even a 0.1% of the graduating class of 2005. People...now is our chance to try and change the world and make it better for ourselves and the future. Now is our chance to act on the future instead of the present.

Our problem in the government these days is that everyone wants the present to be dealt with, the now, but they forget, it is the future they should be focusing on...after all, the world depend on us protecting this world to save the generation of the future.

I'm going to try my best to help change this world for the better. I'm not going to run for president or congress necessarily, but I'm going to deal with what I know I can help change, and shoot for the stars.

The future is ours.

Carpe diem.
- posted by Leah Ashra @ 8:43 PM

 
I'll bet that confused you.

I'm listening to M-Pact's Christmas album. That song just happens to be playing, and it's a perfect melancholy, "I've got the blues" song. Lovely harmonies. Just lovely. Just as lovely as the harmony that makes my life.

I'm sure you've all had these kinds of days--the days where you aren't really happy, but you aren't really sad, but you feel kind of down, and all you want is to be held by someone special; to lay your head on their chest and just breathe and listen to their heartbeat...that's how I feel right now. Yesterday was beautiful. I went to Baldwin at 12:30 AM to participate in the Relay for Life.

I didn't have to, but Sarah was there. I'm known for my odd quirks and acting on random impulses, so I just up and drove to Baldwin. I spent 4 hours walking around the track and dancing to the music. The DJ was fabulous. Free State Prom Committee could take some notes from that. Our DJ sucked ass.

Sarah and I were mostly really awake and happy and laughing and being the best friends we've been for so long, but occasionally things would slow down, and so would we, keeping a slow, steady rhythm and just holding hands and just being thankful for each other. I don't know if it's just me, but I think that's how life is supposed to be:

Happy, active, slow, and beautiful with some chaos mixed in.

I wonder--if we are so happy around each other, then does that mean that this is it? That this is the "one" that we all seek after? That (Encore 2003 moment) "this is the moment, this is the time"? Could this possibly be it? So soon into my life, and I have found that someone who makes me weak and strong at the same time? Who makes me want to jump for joy when I see them and cry when I have to leave? And if their kisses just keep getting better and more passionate...does that mean I've found "love", and I mean THE LOVE, not just love.

Is she that someone? I feel all of that. If that is what love is, then I love her as the someone I could spend the rest of my life with.

"Now I watch the snow come calling,
and I celebrate the spring.
I feel the falls keep falling,
and when the summers come,
I will that I don't notice,
but this is when I notice most of all.

Let it roll into me.
Let it roll into you.
Let it roll into me.
Let it roll back into when I had you."

I have loved this girl through all 4 seasons, all different times of the day, all of the days of the week, and all of the months of the year. Everytime I see her, I get this feeling that is so indescribable, but it feels so right. It's this beauty; this pure happiness; this feeling of complete satisfaction. When I see her...I light up.

"Sun lights up the daytime. Moon lights up the night. I light up when you call my name, and you know I'm going to treat you right. You give me fever, when you kiss me. Fever when you hold me tight. Fever in the morning. Fever all through the night."

It's days like this where I miss her the most. These melancholy, nostalgic, partly stormy days where all I want is to be lazily romantic. A deep kiss with bodies stretching and noses nuzzling...what a lovely way to burn.

"Now you've listened to my story. Here's the point I have made: chicks were born to give you fever."

You probably want to stop reading about my mind's romantic wanderings and hear more about Prom.

Prom was ok. I don't know if it was worth the money, but everyone really did look gorgeous. The DJ didn't have the music that would really have made Prom rock, but everyone was generally enjoying themselves, so it wasn't a complete loss. I thought those chosen for Prom Queen and King were perfect: Aaron T. (AT!) and Dulce! Yay! A choir/band student and an art student! Nathan and I looked splendid in our tuxes; him=handsome, me=pretty. It was quite nice. I think I'll put up pictures when mom gets them to me.

The bartender made a very scrumptious Shirley Temple, and all was pretty much in order, though I have heard whispers that somebody might have punched someone else. Isn't it interesting how nobody can look bad at a formal gathering? Everyone was just so lovely, especially Jenny Green and Emily Thomas. I'm so impressed sometimes. Academy Awards, you've got competition!

I think I want to go listen to the Phantom of the Opera movie soundtrack right now...if I watch the movie, I'll fall asleep.

Wow, I'm tired.

But I'm in love...

I love you.
- posted by Leah Ashra @ 2:09 PM

 
You know ... when you can't focus on what you REALLY REALLY should be focusing on.

...or when you stay up an hour past when you want/need/decide to go to sleep just to see if they've had a good day.

...or when the only thing you want is to be in their arms for a moment.

...or when your eyes hurt so much, but you still feel like you're the happiest person on earth just reading past e-mails for almost an hour.

...or when you almost fall asleep, and jolt out of an almost-sleep unsure of weither they've just kissed you awake, or if that was a dream.

...or when you spent hours just thinking about them, and the time couldn't have been better spent.

...or when the slightest most unrelated thing can make you think of them.

...or when you're scared that it isn't real and any moment someone will give you a reality-slap.

...or when your heart flutters and eyes twinkle and smile softens and breath momentarily faulters just thinking about them. People ask what you're thinking about...you just don't hear them.

...when you debate back and forth weither to send them an e-mail telling them how much you care...how much you love them. When you type out, yet again, just a note to tell them.

And only in a moment of sheer insanity do you have the bravery to click 'send.'
- posted by Leah Ashra @ 8:56 PM

 
[ Occupy ]

Oh yes.

I forgot to tell you.

I'm taking up residence here, if you don't mind.

If you do mind, feel free to delete all of these posts. I won't be offended.
- posted by Biochrome @ 9:35 AM